11/17 - Final Progress 4

While assembling the interface for my piece, I came to the realization that the lights I purchased to illuminate my projection box were too harsh for the piece and did not work as I intended. I returned to the store in hopes of finding another light source that could be plugged in and placed in the box but came up with nothing that met what I wanted. It was then that I decided to go for a more analog approach. I got some candles that provided exactly the glow that I was looking for. I forwent glue and just melted wax to the bottom of the box and attached the candles that way. This way, I not only achieved the light I was looking for but also had the added bonus of candles, which I think tied in with my concept well.

Speaking of my concept....basically, I wished to create a machine that paints my thoughts in shadows. The thoughts that plagued me as I was making this piece just so happened to be thoughts about validating myself as a Muslim. With everything that has been going on in our country's politics recently as well as the many ISIS attacks around the world, there has been a resurgence of fear amongst Muslims that has not been so prevalent since the months after 9/11. I used to be bullied for my faith regularly. I used to have to reassure complete strangers that neither I not my family were threats. I was used to it for such a long time in my youth but in the comfort that a liberal college atmosphere allows, I forgot what it felt like to feel constantly persecuted...until the past few months.

The four words carved onto the inside of my projection box (so as to project in a readable way on the wall) reference a specific incident in the 8th grade when a classmate called me a terrorist in front of the entire class. Fed up with the constant bullying, I angrily told him "I'm not a terrorist!" and (I am now ashamed to admit) punched him. It was a defining moment in my life, to be honest. I had never gotten physical with anyone before and that was the moment that I snapped and succumbed. From that day on, I learned to ignore the hate and take solace in the positive people I have around me. Recent hate crimes have been making that so hard so I thought that maybe if I created this box that depicts my justifications for myself over and over and over....maybe I would find some of the solace I found then---without the violence.

The candles that I added to my box are meant to represent memories. The memories I had in the days, months, years after 9/11. The memories that other Muslims around the country had of that time period. The memories that are now suddenly reemerging with full force. The fact that everyone else who is not a Muslim does not remember us, or how we too suffered. I'm glad that the string lights didn't work out because I don't think I would have loved my piece half as much if not for those candles.